Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mary Wollstonecraft's "Vindication of the Rights of Women": A Summary

For centuries, bros have treated hoes like they're completely worthless. To be honest, they're not far from wrong, but for some reason they also seem to think that if they keep treating us that way we'll somehow fix ourselves or something. Yeah, six thousand years of male dominance, but we're right the fuck around the corner from catching up, guys. That plan has turned out great so far.

D you want to know why women fit your stereotypes of stupid, silly creatures? Because they're taught that it's the only way to be. That's what happens when all the bros running education just want pretty idiots to take as mistresses instead of smart ladies to take as wives.  Every girl is being taught by these assholes, so if you're frustrated that your wife is like a mistress who spends her time shopping instead of putting out, stop pointing fingers, bro. No wonder she wants nothing more than to shop and drink tea - I don't care how resilient you are, twenty years of being told pretty is the highest value and eventually anyone would start to believe it.


From day one men get ready to make money and be respectable. If you're a bro, it doesn't matter how poor you start - work hard, be a little smarter than everyone else, and you can be a doctor or a lawyer or anything else. Being a bro is fucking sweet. Women? We get to marry well, and that's it. Options fucking exhausted. Complain all you want, but when every piece of literature, music, or poetry a man produces talks about demure, thoughtless wives who spend their husbands’ money, patterns will emerge.

I'm not saying women are better than men, or that we should be in charge of men, or anything like that. I'm just saying, we want some goddamn options. Some of us, it turns out, are really great housewives and mothers and we'll raise the fuck out of your kids. But when not every woman has the option to marry well, we should give them the ability to figure their own shit out, instead of creating helpless women who have no cavalry coming for them, and then they're spinsters who produce nothing. You know that one really fucking annoying aunt we all have, the one with the cats and the crazy? She's smart as shit, but kind of hideous? No one wants that; no one has ever thought, "You know what the world needs more of? Lonely annoying cat ladies." If someone had just given her a book about the law, maybe she would have been a lawyer and no one would have to take care of her. And then we all win

It's time the government started considering women as people, instead of just as wives. We pay taxes, too; we're done with the divine right of kings and taxation without representation. Why the fuck do we still have to deal with divine right of husbands and taxation of voiceless wives?

Look, if you want women to stop being weak, stupid complainers who waste money, start educating them. Even I think women are dumb as shit, and I am one. They read bullshit romances and believe in horoscopes and thinks with their hearts instead of their brains. And for thousands of years you've been like, "What's up with dumb bitches?" all while you crank them the fuck out like it's your job. It's time to try something new: teach them reason, and see if they aren't more reasonable. Let them think, and see if they don't. Encourage them to raise their kids and be kind to their servants, and see if they aren't so moody all the time.

In conclusion, it's no fucking wonder bros are awesome; women could be great too, if you would just let them. 

23 comments:

  1. interesting to see a bro take on feminism, which stands opposite to most, if not all, of all bro-dom.

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  2. Let me summarize what options for women mean. Take a hardworking American who provides for his family working 12hrs a day, so wife can focus on children and housework. After 15 years of marriage when children need less maintenance wife gets bored and depressed how her life sucks and how she is not doing anything with it, out of boredom she starts whoring around and ultimately divorces her husband - hardworking God loving American, who loves his family and is slaving off from 9 to 9. She throws him out of the house and force him to pay unreasonable alimony.

    Option for women ultimately means less option for men and defying mens natural right to own women.

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  3. ^ Troll, Joke or Sincere? ^
    I'm calling Poe's law.


    Bro - brilliant explanation. The way it plays in my head is as if Rocky Balboa was reading his synopsis. Funny as hell, and super cool.

    Thank you, and seconding the "hope he gets a book deal" as well. You're fantastic.

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  4. Wait, how are we necessarily better off if we have more lawyers again?

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  5. I love the site, Bro. This translation was especially riveting. Keep it up!

    I know I'm feeding an obvious troll (seeing as how he has left turds on several bro-posts) but the problem with your argument, dd, is that Wollstonecraft was a BRITISH writer from the fucking 1700's. Your opinions on the plight of the modern American male are of no concern to her or her work.

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  6. brent, you are absolutely right.

    PhiloBro, you really rock my every lovin' mother fuckin' sock. As a feminist, and a women who read Vindication in college, I think that this version kicks ass.

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  7. From the grave's perspective, modern America in many ways strikes me as unrepresentative of the situation I described in my Vindication. For one thing, it seems full of uneducated males who work at unrewarding jobs for long hours. If anything, I am surprised they are married at all. Even I had some trouble accomodating the fact that my first husband (as he very nearly was) was a business man. I always felt this gave him a rather petty outlook on things.
    Also I imagine that the annoying cat ladies you refer to are akin to the lapdog ladies I once knew. I have been sorely tempted in my lifetime, not only to hand them a law book, but to hit them on the head with one.

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  8. Hahahahahaha. My new favorite pastime. :)

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  9. love that i came across this tonight, as it was assigned reading for this evening. i'm having to take some pre-reqs for graduate school and british lit is one of them. love this, even if it is a little...irreverent. :)

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  10. I just checked out your tshirts. What is up with the bitches ones? That's never going to be ok. It perpetuates "with humor" the lasting, brutally damaging stereotypes that we still suffer from. Humor about "hoes" and bitches" is one of the most insidious and fucked up things that still lingers. Until women are true equals, with equal pay and more (like not being sex slaves all over the world, gang raped during wars, and objectified for our visual value), then people like you have a responsibility to represent something different. PB: you have no idea what it's like to be a woman. I respectfully request that you remove those particular "choices" from your tshirt store.

    Sincerely,

    an Art Professor

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  11. I just checked out your tshirts. What is up with the bitches ones? That's never going to be ok. It perpetuates "with humor" the lasting, brutally damaging stereotypes that we still suffer from. Humor about "hoes" and bitches" is one of the most insidious and fucked up things that still lingers. Until women are true equals, with equal pay and more (like not being sex slaves all over the world, gang raped during wars, and objectified for our visual value), then people like you have a responsibility to represent something different. PB: you have no idea what it's like to be a woman. I respectfully request that you remove those particular "choices" from your tshirt store.

    Sincerely,

    an Art Professor

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  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  13. Dear "Art Professor"

    I think this article is of some relevance to the opinions you are articulating in your comment.

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache%3Ar7OQKVo3EVwJ%3Awww.heraldscotland.com%2Fcomment%2Fguest-commentary%2Fdoug-stanhope-on-offensive-comedy-1.1083012+http%3A%2F%2Fwww.heraldscotland.com%2Fcomment%2Fguest-commentary%2Fdoug-stanhope-on-offensive-comedy-1.1083

    Sincerely,
    an Art Student (female)

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    Replies
    1. My thanks for that fantastic article.

      It's tiring how people cloak themselves in indignities as though they are due something beyond fair consideration. (They presumably feel more secure also in appealing to the just authority of their cause no matter than the constant cry of victimisation is a perpetual self-fulfilling prophecy, touting unfounded abstractions and signing off with pomp.)

      Feminism has stuck too long to its reactionary roots and failed to herald the vision Wollstonecraft and other early feminists had in mind. Since crossing the Atlantic political correctness is it's legacy, and that's hardly about equality- it comes down naturally to advantage to whomever the circumstances dictate are seen to be disadvantaged. What matter that the unfashionable injustices are glossed over or denied (see the Guardian article about male rape linked below)?

      Sincerely,

      A Mathematics Student

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  14. As a bro - and one who read Wollstonecraft - I would like to thank you so much for this piece. I've always believed that real men are Feminists, because strong bro's have nothing to fear from equality, and smart women, confident women are hot!

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    1. Fuck yeah, bro.

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    2. Bros can't be feminists bro, only women can be feminists

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    3. Feminism is the belief that women and men should be politically, economically and socially equal. I'm pretty sure a bro can believe that with his bro brain

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  15. Hey, 'Art Professor', it's not just women that get gang raped during wars, it's men and children too. I'm not saying that it's not horrible, just that I feel that, like prostitution, it's not something that should necessarily be a 'feminist issue', as this seems to make it harder to treat and help the men who are victims of it too.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/jul/17/the-rape-of-men

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  16. Dear "Art Professor", it's okay, calm down. You're just "of a different generation", so to speak.

    - an anti-kyriarchal (post?)feminist

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  17. Hey there! Rad post, bro. In reflection to this piece, I think it's important to remember that Feminists ultimately realized how utterly myopic it was to say this sort of thing, though. This assessment of women being kept as little pets only refers to a very small subset of women--white bourgeois women. The vast majority of women--working class and nonwhite women--have had to work outside the home for a long time! And unequal access to education and discrimination in employment, for them, are not only a gender issue!

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