Philosophy Bro explains complex ideas of philosophy in easy to understand language, created by Tommy Maranges, the author of Descartes' Meditations, Bro.

Hobbes' "Leviathan, Books I and II": A Summary

Everything is made of particles, and they’re constantly bumping into each other. It’s how shit moves, but that’s not all -  it’s how you think, and how you speak,  and how you imagine; we all interact based on the motion of these particles, and it has one very important consequence:

Dudes are fucking dicks.

Seriously, there’s no way around it. Have you ever seen a guy acting like an asshole and thought, “What a fucking asshole?” Well, Spoiler Alert: You’re an asshole too. Everyone is an asshole - there’s no avoiding it. It’s a motherfucking law of nature, like gravity or John Stamos’ hair. And if we’re allowed to do whatever the fuck we want, shit gets real real, real fast. One greedy motherfucker steals something , some bro preempts him with his own attack, some other guy tries to show everyone else how big his dick is, and suddenly everyone is trying to kill everyone else.

And there’s only one way to fix it. It’s not pretty, but it’s fucking super-effective.

First, we all make a contract to chill the fuck out, together.  But what if some asshole is like, “No, I will not chill the fuck out?” How do we handle that?  I’m glad you asked. We all pick one bro and give him absolute power. I don’t mean that if he asks nicely,  we think about listening; his job isn’t to make sure everyone plays fair, or to tell you that you’re special no matter what anyone says. Fuck that noise. Absolute. Fucking. Power. Maybe it would help if I told you that Hobbes named him after the seven-headed soul-eating serpent-demon that guards the gates of Hell. Simon Says, asshole. He does what the fuck he wants, and he’s kind of a big deal.

But why does one bro need all that power? His job is to make sure everyone  stays chilled out, and it’s not an easy job, since we’re all such assholes. Remember that part in Harry Potter 6 when Dumbledore tells Harry, “No matter what I say, don’t stop feeding me this battery acid” or whatever it was? We all say to the ruler, “No matter what we say in the future, don’t let us try to kill each other.” So that when the inner assholes come out, he knows to put his foot down, execute a few dudes, and keep the fucking peace. And believe me - that’s going to happen. You’re going to try to kill someone. It’s inevitable.

A strong ruler is a necessary evil, dude. Yes, you are going to hate him. He’ll be kind of a dick sometimes. That’s only natural. Besides, it sucks way less than the alternative. So when you want to complain, just remember: you brought this on yourself by being a dickhead and trying to kill everyone. Sorry he’s not sorry.

Why only one bro? Why not a bunch? Because that’s wasteful. They’ll fight as much as we all fought when there were no bros in charge. Besides, when it’s only one bro, he knows he has to fucking deliver - he can’t live like a bro-king unless his subjects are doing well. Trust me - pick one really smart bro, and let him handle it. He’ll take care of you.

What’s that? You still want freedom of speech? Um, no. Why not? Because you would use it to piss other people off. And then they would want to kill you, and there would be riots, and he’d have to send in soldiers to enforce chillitude. It’s not worth it. So shut your whore mouth and we’ll all be happier for it.

You want to worship who you want? Are you out of your fucking mind? Bro, nothing makes people fight like religion. That’s why the bro-king gets to choose who you worship. God knows what’s up - if God wanted to talk to someone, he’d talk to the badass motherfucker in charge . It doesn’t matter that much to you anyway - what do you care if you worship at 8AM or 9AM on Sunday? Is it worth people trying to kill you to be right? I didn’t think so.

In conclusion, you’re a dickhead and can’t be trusted to handle your business on your own. That’s what serpent-demon rulers are for, bro. 

Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra": A Summary

Plato's "The Allegory of the Cave": A Summary